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“Clarity isn’t just understanding what we want—it’s having the courage to acknowledge what we need. When we align our actions with our deepest truths, confidence naturally follows.”
There’s a direct connection between confidence and clarity—they’re inseparable companions on our journey to lasting change.
Genuine confidence, which differs from overconfidence, comes from self-awareness and a realistic assessment of our abilities.
Knowing creates unshakable confidence that allows us to take meaningful action despite uncertainties and empowers us to persist through challenges because we know when we are on the right path.
Overconfidence, by contrast, is an illusion, an inflated belief in our abilities without the clarity to support them.
The key difference?
True confidence stems from clarity about our values, purpose and needs, while overconfidence masks underlying insecurities and lack of self-awareness.
Without clarity about what we value and what our greater purpose in life is, we cannot focus on what serves them, and our confidence remains fragile.
Even our best efforts leave us feeling uncertain and unsatisfied, which keeps us feeding the life we don’t want.
How Clarity Builds Confidence
The most common approach is to build confidence first, expecting clarity to follow, but for habits, the opposite is true—clarity is the precursor to confidence and without it, you cannot form lasting habits.
Helpful confidence, as I like to call it—is the kind that withstands challenges and persists through difficulty—which emerges from knowing why something matters to us and what steps we need to take to get there.
It’s about defining the problem before attempting to solve it. The only way we will walk our path with conviction is when it’s clear to us.
When I began running, I struggled with everything—proper form, breathing rhythm, and pacing myself. My first attempts were awkward.
My lungs burned, my legs felt heavy, and I questioned if I’d ever enjoy this activity that seemed so natural to others.
With the guidance of a running coach, I gained clarity about the fundamental components—posture, foot strike, arm movement, and breathing techniques.
As I practiced each element, I started to understand how each movement was connected to create an efficient running stride.
This clarity didn’t immediately make me confident—I still felt clumsy and was easily winded. But with each run, as my understanding of the technique deepened, something remarkable happened: my confidence began to grow organically from this clarity.
Eventually, the movements that once required conscious thought became automatic.
I experienced that magical “runner’s high” where my legs seemed to have a life of their own, effortlessly carrying me mile after mile.
Running was no longer something I understood intellectually—it had become a habit embedded in my memory and nervous system.
This progression applies to all habit formation.
During my six years as a nursing science teacher, I asked all my students about their core values and life purpose.
While most could easily describe their likes, dislikes, and what entertains them, only a handful could articulate these deeper aspects of themselves.
I observed that clear understanding nurtures confidence by revealing the necessary steps to achieve results that align with our values and purpose.
The Four Barriers to Mental Clarity
Without that initial clarity, which most of us never reach—understanding our purpose and proper execution of needs that align—confidence remains elusive, and the habit will never form.
Research in psychology and behavioral science suggests several key reasons most of us struggle to achieve clarity and form lasting habits.
1. Information Hoarding
The tendency to over-collect information stems from three destructive psychological patterns:
First, we have our need for progress. While false, hording information gives us a feeling of moving forward without the risks associated with real action.
Second, information gathering acts as a shield against the anxiety we experience when facing possible wrong decisions or failure.
The third point is that gathering more information gives us an excuse to postpone critical decisions, claiming we need more time. Endless scrolling and content consumption serves as a sophisticated form of avoidance behavior, masquerading as self-improvement or necessary research.
2. Resistance to Full Commitment
Achieving clarity requires making definitive choices, a process that can feel like closing doors on alluring alternatives, and even risking a wrong turn.
Adding to the complexity, the overload of choices trigger choice anxiety and procrastination, leading to feelings of stress and overwhelm. Here, less is more.
3. Lack of Self-Reflection
Clarity requires dedicated time for introspection and honest self-assessment—which is rarely a comfortable practice, and one that the brain will go to great lengths to avoid.
Without introspection, clarity is impossible.
4. External Validation
We look mistakenly outside ourselves for direction instead of developing internal clarity about our values and goals, leading to misaligned habits.
The fast, fun and quick rewards society we have created makes it harder to develop the patience needed for genuine clarity to take form.
Without addressing these underlying barriers to clarity, attempts at habit formation will keep failing because they lack a sound foundation of purpose and direction that would otherwise sustain them through challenges and setbacks.
Decision Detox: Eliminating What Keeps You Stuck
As a rule of thumb to track the value of my choices, I eliminate all low-value decisions that keep me stuck.
I like to explain low value decisions as buying stuff I don’t need to impress people who don’t care about me. And high value decisions, as investments in learning opportunities and experiences that lead to personal growth.
Individuals who have already decided they don’t need coaching often have an unaddressed or ignored blind spot which manifests as a lack of clarity—preventing them from seeing the very limitations that hold them back from growth.
You see it in the way they handle their economy, in their mental and physical health and in their relationships.
Clarity is the purest form of self-empowerment.
Even if I don’t have the knowledge yet, as long as I have clarity, I will know what I need to do, where to look it up, and whom to ask.
A lack of clarity is, in reality, a lack of self-awareness, regardless of the underlying reasons.
Those who have clarity do not fear change because they know that change is an unavoidable, absolute necessity for personal growth.
You Are The Average of the Company You Keep
For decades, I did not know my purpose, or what I valued; therefore, I kept hanging out with individuals I would never aspire to be.
Looking back, I see I surrounded myself with those who mirrored my own destructive patterns—I orchestrated an environment where my numbing behaviors could exist without judgment and without being challenged.
A sanctuary of shared dysfunction where I could hide from the discomfort of growth.
But here is the truth about my hiding: even in the perfect hiding place, part of me always remained exposed—to myself.
In those quiet moments after everyone else left, when distractions disappeared and I was alone with my thoughts, I felt the full weight of my destructive choices.
The profound irony of my hiding was that while I feared being found, the deeper pain came from never being seen as the person I knew I had the potential to be—a mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy person.
Spending my days trapped in self-imposed invisibility, I grew more and more desperate, until a realization struck me with devastating clarity: I wasn’t living—I was fading away.
So I made the hardest choice of my life: I stopped hiding and walked out into the blinding light of my truth.
I have a note to self on habits dating back to 2005 that says:
“If I continue on this path, I will eat myself to an early grave and never see my sons grow up.”
When I lacked clarity about my needs and wants, and didn’t fully understand the crucial difference between them, I inflicted double suffering on myself in several ways.
First, I suffered from making choices that didn’t serve me, pursuing things I wanted but that didn’t address my deeper needs.
Second, I suffered from the consequences of those misaligned choices – disappointment, emptiness, and the continued dissatisfaction they created.
Not only did I continue making destructive choices instead of those that served my growth, but I turned these behaviors into a self-perpetuating cycle where choice anxiety—because I was not living my best life—drove me into the arms of temporary soothing behaviors that reinforced the very life I wanted to leave behind.
The Consequences of Avoiding Accountability
I kept my intentions and actions vague at best, to justify inaction or blame others—a cheap tactic to avoid accountability.
For years I kept spreading myself too thin. My mind and life were so cluttered that I lost sight of what mattered.
Clarity was absent. Goals were non-existent. Plans were nowhere to be found, which led to mediocrity and misery.
My success remained a dream without a plan, lost in a fog of unclear intentions.
Only when I realized that my vagueness was hindering me from facing the vulnerability needed to hold myself accountable did I begin to change my habits.
For me, clarity functions as a bull’s-eye.
Without it, I don’t know what I’m aiming for.
If I don’t know what I’m aiming for, it’s like hitting the target in the dark.
After defining my desired lifestyle and goals, knowing my target, I stopped feeding the life I didn’t want and began practicing accountability for every decision I made.
Closing Thoughts
I can’t think of any area in life where clarity is not an advantage. It’s a beautiful state of mental and intentional focus that enables decisive action and prevents reactive behavior.
There is no magic bullet, no life hack, no shortcut. No YouTube video explaining it.
Clarity is a skill that comes into existence through practice—an intimate understanding that grows deeper with every conscious choice we make.
With each moment of self-reflection, each deliberate decision, you’re not only practicing clarity, you’re awakening to a deeper truth about who you are and who you’re becoming.
The old paths that once seemed so familiar and safe now feel disconnecting, and the shadows of uncertainty—once holding you back—dissolve in the light of your values.
Take a moment now to reflect on your own habits and decision-making patterns.
Ask yourself:
- What areas of my life lack clear direction and purpose?
- How often do I mistake information gathering for actual progress?
- When was the last time I sat in quiet reflection about my goals and values?
- Am I deciding based on internal clarity or external validation?
Write down your answers.
Notice any resistance or discomfort that arises. This resistance itself is valuable information—it often points to areas where clarity is most needed but also most challenging to achieve.
Remember: Clarity isn’t just about knowing what you want—it’s about understanding why you want it and if it’s really what you need. Without a deeper understanding about the difference, even the most carefully crafted plan to change your habits will struggle to take root.
Thank you for reading!
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